The EnimaEr, ENEMYof James Potter
by Eternity's Dream Weaver
Summary: L/J love hate . . . 6th year starts with . . . James- oops dont wanna tell you! Pranks, skanks, and isanity, hogwarts is never normal! please r/r co written with Bluebottlebutterfly!


A/N lalalala . . . I would just love to say this is all belonging to me . . .but sadly, the good parts are bluebottlebutterfly's, who i'm co writing the story with. So enjoy!

The Enima-er, ENEMY-of James Potter

Chapter 1

Lily Evans concentrated hard as she lifted her wand and pointed it at the pebble and made it split in half, sighing wistfully and wishing that it was James Potter's head instead. Absent-mindedly she ran a hand through her electric blue hair (not his doing, but her own), her matching blue eyes (eye coloring spell, of course) and thought back to that morning.

__

"Potter! Get your petty, ugly little arse in here before I rip your tonsils out with my fingernail, which I might add I have filed to a lovely point so I can slit your throat next time I see you!" She had yelled in anger about 60 seconds after she woke up. The room was in complete disarray, fresh snow covered the ground, chills ran through her feet, and cold wind swept through the room swirling around here and there and attacking her every once in a while. She shivered involuntarily for her thin over sized T-shirt was hardly enough to keep her warm in Antarctic weather conditions. Her teeth chattering, she stumbled toward her nightstand (which was encased in a thick layer of powdery snow) and managed to open the drawer so she could fetch her wand and curse him into last Wednesday. It was obvious he wasn't coming (probably lying on his lazy bum, snuggling down into his warm blankets) and before going to pay him a 'friendly' little visit, she muttered a spell and the snow disappeared, leaving a few damp spots on the carpet.

"Nessuno vento!" She whispered quietly, and the raging winds died down, blowing a bit of parchment toward the dresser before dying out altogether. She was utterly mystified as to how her dorm mates could be sleeping _through all of this. Pulling bits of ice out of her blue hair, she rolled up her sleeves and tip toed into the common room and up the boys stairs to see James. And curse him._

"Oh Potter . . ." she called in a sing song voice as she crept to his bedside.

"Go away mum, it's too early . . ." he grunted and rolled over. She snickered, then suddenly thought of what she would do to him. Her face spread into wide, Cheshire cat grin, and pointing her wand at him she whispered a spell, grinned even wider if possible, and left. She reached her dormitory and no sooner had she crawled into her bed, she heard a horrified scream and then . . .

"EVANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She grinned slightly and went back to concentrating on charms.

* * *

(where chapter two could or couldn't start your choice!) 

James Potter's day could not get any worse. He remembered the pertifying events of that morning all too clearly, and knew he'd be scarred for life.

__

"Go away mum, it's too early . . ." he grunted and rolled over. He thought he heard someone laugh. He felt a tingling sensation and sat up, reaching for his glasses and feeling as though something was missing. Adjusting them atop his nose, he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He pulled down his pants to use the bathroom, and then in horror realized EXACTLY what was missing. He screamed in shock, and then yelled "EVANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was a twenty four hour spell, and so not only would he have to wait till tomorrow to use the bathroom, Sirius and Remus _and _even Peter would never let him live it down. So, his pride was wounded and he was miserable. Very, miserable.

* * *

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Just as Lily was about to put her things away and return to her room to possibly clean up some of the mess Potter had undoubtedly decided to make in her room while it was unattended, Potter himself came dashing down the stairs. Lily smiled inwardly, anticipating this. 

"Evans...what...I...." He stammered, running a hand through his hair as he opened his mouth continually, managing only to speak in monosyllables. _"Fix this!" _

Lily grinned involuntarily, knowing full well that he knew she couldn't fix it if she wanted to. Potter was only looking for a fight, and she was more than willing to give one to him. "Potter, unless you're going to tell me what you're babbling about, I'm afraid I can't help you." She stuffed her wand into her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she stood up to leave. 

Potter grabbed her shoulder. "_It's gone." _He pointed angrily to his nether region. 

Lily smiled sweetly up at him. "Why Potter," she said in mock surprise, "I'm quite shocked you can even tell the difference." 

She wrenched herself out of his grip as he gaped at her and bounded up the stairs, trying to get a head start before he started running. 

Eventually, however, he caught up to her. "You took it too far," he said. 

Lily opened the door to her room and pointed. "Potter, you turned my bedroom into a--a--" 

"Winter Wonderland?" 

"Penguin house!" 

Potter grinned and fingered her hair. She swatted his hand away. "Well, Evans, you're enough of a freak show, I just figured your own snow globe would be in order. People like you are big tourist attractions..." 

Lily glared at him through slit eyes and he smiled cheekily at her. She decided to say nothing, stalked into her dormitory, and slammed the door. 

*********************** 

"You can't expect me to just let it go," James hissed to Remus over the dinner table. 

"I very well can," Remus responded airily. "I think you and Lily just need to call it even." 

"I can't just 'call it even'!" James exclaimed. "Look what she did to me!" 

Remus wrinkled his nose. "You know, I'd rather not. James, you've been subjecting her to this since you were twelve years old. You're seventeen. I think it's time you grew up." 

"This is not about maturity," James spat. "This is about her being an insufferable wench! The girl is a menace, really." Remus just shook his head and continued eating. 

"Moony! Your on her side, aren't you?" He accused unfairly. Remus rolled his eyes.

"The only side I'm on is the sane one, unlike you." And with that he walked out of the great hall leaving a huffing James to push his food around his plates while he conjured gruesome images of Evans dying in his head.

* * *

"You didn't . . . couldn't have . . ." Selena Fondaine gaped at her. Lily laughed, and pointed to her dropped jaw.

"Shut your mouth dear, or a fish might just swim along and crawl in it, then where would you be?" 

"Hmph." Selena closed it, but crossed her arms in a huff.

"Besides, you haven't heard the worst of it yet." Lily grinned. Selena, however, raised an eyebrow with a skeptical look.

"Lily, he just got his schlong cursed off how much worse can it get?" She questioned wearily, though she was mildly intrigued as to what Lily could have done now.

"Well, you know how it wears off in 24 hours?" Selena was puzzled at Lily's words. What could she be getting at? As far as Selena was concerned, Lily wasn't getting at anything; she was still miles down the road walking on her hands.

"Yeah?" She said instead of pointing out that Lily was making no sense. She decided to humor her.

"It won't wear off on it's own. It is impossible to get it off until 24 hours after the spell performed, and when the 24 hours passes, in order for it to come off . . . you must perform the counter curse. Of course, they don't know that, so I can play dumb." Lily said this very quickly, twirling a lock of her unnatural blue hair, biting her lip and grinning at the same time. Selena stared at her in shock.

"So . . . unless he finds the counter curse Potter is stuck . . . well . . ._thing _less forever?" She said slowly, still trying to comprehend what James would do when he found out. Lily smiled wider, a demonic gleam in her (also) unnatural blue eye.

"Exactly. But there is only one problem for Potter . . ." Lily confirmed, her grin expanding to its limit. Selena really wasn't sure how this could get any worse for him, but listened anyway. Lily's next words shocked her.

"There _is _no counter-curse."

* * *

"James! Come help me with my transfiguration homework." James merely glared at Sirius in reply. He gave him a hurt look, and then grinned.

"Or should I say 'Jamie' since Evans seems to have given you a sex change?" Sirius teased, and James glanced self-consciously in the general direction where his . .. was previously located. A girl nearby raised her eyebrows and walked on and James turned red.

"Sirius!" He hissed angrily. Sirius simply shrugged.

"Missing you-know-whats are no excuse to be grouchy." 

"Sirius . . ." He began in a warning tone. Sirius just raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, it's not my fault Evans stole your manhood." Sirius quipped and stuck his tongue out. James let out a cry of frustration and kicked the suit of armor behind him as hard as he could. Then he let out another cry of pain because his foot hurt, and he stomped his other foot down on the ground, which only resulted in more pain, and then he just collapsed all together and stared stonily at the wall.

"Having a bad day?" Sirius asked sympathetically. James ignored him. "Ok, see you later!" He then walked off leaving a glaring James behind him.

* * *

"You-Your kidding, right?" was the first thing Selena said as she gawked at the grinning blue haired girl in front of her.

"All serious."

"B-but isn't that a little . . . . I dunno, harsh?"

"He deserves it."

"So . .. it's gone . .. forever?" Selena wasn't sure whether to laugh or yell at Lily. Lily suddenly wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Wait a minute, why are we talking about Potter's missing . . . er . .. winky?" She asked, going scarlet. Selena turned the same shade and shrugged.

"Let's go eat dinner." The nodded in mutual agreement, still blushing, and descended the staircase.

* * *

But who should they find already seated in the great hall, pigging out like always, just not with as much enthusiasm? Potter. Indeed, Lily scowled so much, Selena half heartedly thought she would never be able to remove her lips from the scowling position. Her theory proved wrong, when, Remus beckoned them over, and she grinned at him and dragged Selena to the table and sat next to him, completely ignoring the angry look James gave her. Selena, not one for talking, observed Lily's behavior with care, and came to the conclusion Remus was just a friend that Lily knew could cheer her up, or Lily liked Remus. She made a note to find out more later and sat down to begin what she hoped was a pleasant meal.

"Hi Remus, how have you been?" Lily chirped, and Selena raised an eyebrow, her mashed potato covered spoon stopping midway to her mouth. Often, Lily greeted her friends happily, but she never _chirped._ Selena was getting worried, and chewed the already 'mashed' potatoes thoughtfully.

"I've been great Lily, what about you?" He replied, equally enthusiastic. Selena put her spoon down and sat back. There was definitely something going on. Definitely.

"Superb." At this Selena sat up straight, cocking her head, and staring at them without any intention of subtlety. Lily would **never **say 'superb'. However, Remus and Lily, off in their own little something-is-up world, ignored her and went on chatting and giggling. Heck, even _Remus giggled!_ Selena was shocked. She moved her gaze sideways for a moment to see what the others were doing. James glaring at his food and stabbing it with a fork while eating with his spoon, Sirius just shoveling it in like a trash compacter, and here she was, the only one who had noticed.

"Anyways, I heard it's a Hogsmeade weekend this Saturday." Remus said. For no apparent reason, Lily laughed.

"Well, if it's a Hogsmeade weekend, it would be a weekend!" She said in an unnaturally high voice. Selena stopped short. She knew exactly what was going to happen. Remus was going to ask Lily and they'd be a lovesick couple and . . . she grinned widely. That would mean . . no more pranks. Remus wouldn't prank his girlfriend. Or his Girlfriend's friend. So that meant . . . Selena sighed happily, imagining a world without waking up to a prank every morning, and she decided then and there Remus and Lily were made for each other. 

"So . . . Lily . . ." Here even Sirius, who had been oblivious to the situation for nearly 20 minutes, looked up and put his attention on them. James stopped eating and stared at them too. Selena couldn't help but think Remus should be able to do a better introduction line then 'So . . . Lily . . .'. "Anyways, I was wondering . . . would you like to accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend?" He asked in a hopeful yet nervous tone. Then several things happened: Sirius jumped up and started clapping, Lily grinned ever so wide and threw her arms around Remus (honestly, it's only their first date!), James threw up on Selena, the Slytherins were suddenly wearing ruffled pink dresses with matching ribbons and doing the cancan, and the other members in the hall were laughing.

"Of course I will, Remus, I'd love to!" 

"JAMES POTTER YOU FRIGGIN' IDIOT YOU JUST THREW UP ON ME GO TOSS YOUR COOKIES SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na NA!"

"Go Remus!"

"Woohoo, nice dress Snape!"

Remus blushed bright red and Lily softly kissed him on the cheek, smiling shyly.

Selena glared daggers at James, before brandishing her wand and then thinking, and decided to clean herself up instead, which gave him time to run.

The Slytherins smiled charmingly (or attempted to) and kicked their legs wayyyyyy up high.

Sirus whooped and jumped up and down, 'cat' calling, which was odd considering he was a dog.

Fea Kell Madders (HAHAHAHA!), from Hufflepuff, started pointing at Snape and jeering.

"Hey, Snape, mind giving us a peek at what's under that dress?" He called out and more laughter followed the comment.

"Sorry, Fea, I don't believe he's **GOT** anything under that dress! And I'm not talking about underwear . . ." Gregg Dennis replied, and Snape's normally sick yellow face turned bright pink. He got up and stormed out of the hall, stumbling as he flushed even darker, ignoring the catcalls as he made his way, closely followed by the rest of the humiliated and angry Slytherins. 

"C'mon Remmy, kiss her kiss her kiss her!" Sirius chanted, an evil grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his chocolate brown eyes. Remus went scarlet and hesitated before tentatively leaning over to a giggling Lily (who was also blushing like crazy) and planting a soft kiss on her rosy pink lips. Selena saw a certain look cross James' face as he turned pale and clutched his mouth, and she backed away, shaking her finger warningly.

"Oh no you don't . . ." Her warning however, came to late and within seconds she was once again covered in regurgitated food.


End file.
